For there is always someone whom we leave behind
by Elaine27
Summary: She hadn't been feeling quite well the entire day. It was only when she opened the door and found herself face to face with Merlin that the nagging feeling turned into panic and fear into bitter reality.


**A/N:** Thanks to the amazing ivefoundmygoldfish (melonpanparade) who looked this over!

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 **For there is always someone whom we leave behind**

She hadn't been feeling quite well the entire day. It had started when she woke this morning, opening her eyes to what appeared to be a normal day considering the circumstances. But the sick feeling taking her appetite and weighing at her heart didn't disappear over breakfast. Nor had it changed after she returned from work early in the evening.

Of course, one might say it was nothing to worry about. After all, the human race had nearly extinguished itself only a few days ago. Having been warned by Kingsman beforehand, she had survived the incident uninjured and returned to her dayly routine rather quickly. Fortunately, the small English town they'd built their house in had not been damaged as badly.

So considering all that, one might even say she was seeing ghosts, should stop worrying so much and be thankful for her luck. There were others who'd been affected more badly by recent events who had every right to be worried.

But she couldn't help the worry clouding her mind. She worried because no one had tried to call her since V-Day. Because the four-poster bed had felt far too big for over two months now. And because even her friends had started looking at her with pity in their eyes when she absentmindedly played with the ring on her left hand.

It was only when she opened the door and found herself face to face with Merlin that the nagging feeling turned into panic and fear into bitter reality. Breathing became an impossible task and she could feel the world begin to spin, her thoughts suddenly tumbling over one another, only to come to a violent stop when Merlin spoke.

"I'm sorry," was all he said, but _I'm sorry_ was all she needed to hear to know the inevitable had happened.

 _I'm sorry_ was what she'd been afraid of hearing for the past twenty years every time she opened the door or answered the phone. It had filled her dreams with fear and sometimes lurked in her mind when he'd been absent for a longer period than planned.

To finally hear it now caused her to feel not only agony but also, as strangely as that seemed, a certain sense of relief. It somehow comforted her that Merlin himself had come to tell her, to whisper those words. She hated him for it. She loved him for it.

As he held her crying form in his strong arms, imagining Harry never being able to do so again, Merlin was tempted to give in to the emotions he had been pushing back since the death of his best friend and colleague. There had been no time to let it sink in before, not with all the world saving they'd had to do. But then again, somehow the world always needed to be saved.

For a brief moment he felt something close to repugnance towards the Secret Service, felt a rising anger at the thoughtlessness and egoism of people and how their strive for power destroyed the lives of good men and women who'd give their last trying to save them.

And he felt a rising anger at Kingsman for sending agents in alone, anger at himself for not being able to help and at Arthur for abandoning them in order to save his own life.

He hated the secrecy rules of Kingsman and their stupid protocol when he switched his watch to longtime amnesia, careful not to alarm the sobbing woman in his arms. But most of all, he felt hatred towards himself as he activated the dart. He knew he'd never forget the look crossing her tear-stained face seconds before she lost consciousness. Because she'd known what it would do, no matter how hard she didn't want it to happen. As she was one of the only people outside Kingsman who'd known about the secret organisation, he had the strong feeling she'd known how it would end in some dark corner of her mind, not wanting to acknowledge it.

"I'm sorry," was all he whispered before making a quick swipe of the house, taking everything of Harry's with him and disappearing again.

If one looked closely they could see the stiffness in his posture as he left the house, the hardness in his eyes as he fought hard not to look back, and his lightly trembling hand clutching a thin, golden ring.

But no one ever did.

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 **A/N:** I know people might wonder why her husband is suddenly gone. But I like to imagine that, because Harry was absent so often and spent so little time actually living at their house, no one really believed she was really happily married. Those few who are close to here thought he was some rich guy sleeping with younger girls behind her back and therefore never mentioned him again after the ring had disappeared from her finger...


End file.
